Sins of the Archangel

I haven't written in this journal for a while. However, I am not going to update every second of my life up until now. Still, I will recount the most recently passed Wednesday and Thursday.

These two days - the twenty first and the twenty second for those numerically inclinded people - were fucking fantastic! I got to spend a majority of the days with my awesomely loving and caring girlfriend, Octavia. She is the best! And so perfect for me; and nice, and pretty, and I could go on and on about her. Only good things though, only good things. But this entry is about what we did on those two days.

We started our adventure by stopping at her work so she could cash a personal check and get a little spending money. That was exciting. Wait, let me back it up a little bit. When I got to her house, she was fucking amazingly beautiful in her short-short purple dress with her purple and black falls. She was a radiant, uber-Goth goddess that day and I was struck with awe, even though I am hot and Gothic myself. She also straightened my hair with the hair straightener my mother bought me. It worked really well. (I tried doing it myself today, but Octavia has more experience with being a girl than I do.) She also put on my make up, and she did a nice job with that too. She could be a more than decent make up artist some day.

After I drove for a while, we made it to Portland. There was a minor bout of me raging on the steering wheel and shouting because I got lost. I pressed on though, following my insticts, and eventually found 295 without fucking up once. It turns out that we weren't really lost so I got all pissy for nothing.

Once in Portland, we hit the mall. Octavia bought a nice pair of Emily the Strange kitty shoes for only seven dollars. She had forgotten appropriate concert-going attire for her feet. After that, we enjoyed a nice bit of coffee drinks. During our coffee sipping, I felt really sad because I had recently told her about upsetting activites that I had been engaging in - these will not be discussed here, so do not ask - but she reassured me that everything would be fine. I finally got over my bout of self-loathing and hatred. Then the day was fine.

I forgot what else we did at the mall. I think it involved Octavia humping a Jack Sparrow cardboard cut-out in a book store and me looking at computer games in both Best Buy and EB Gamesh.

From the mall, it was hotel time. It was a bit confusing at first, and I got upset again because I hate driving in the city, even though I've been there a bunch of times. Once inside the hotel room, though, after finding a place to park and getting all the lugging of the suitcases inside accomplished, we had some fun with nudity and a digital camera. I took some really nice pictures of Octavia. She is one sexy girl, even with out her pretty outfits. Then we had some sex, which involved me spilling semen on the automan and her face. Yeah, that's right. If that part makes you queasy, please stop reading my live journal. The sex was wonderful, and it is the closest we can get.

Then, we both put on more suitable attire for the concert. While we were both less uber-Gothic, we were still uber-hot and a lot of people stared at us because we were so uber-cute together. Some random person even took a pictuer of us with his cell phone camera. He seemed nice though. We also met Chuck, Morgaine, Damon, and Alisa at the concert. (We had seem them previously at the mall as well. They are good people.)

When the concert began, I was impressed. NIN sounds amazing live. Their concerts are CD quality. I suppose that comes with a lot of practice. The most memorable moments of the concert occurred during the songs Wish (I was really happy they played the song because it's one of their earlier songs and it is so fucking amazing I screamed the whole length of the song), Head Like A Hole (I screamed during that song because it is also a good song), and Hurt (I cried on Octavia's chest because it is really sad song, and it reminded me of the recent bad things I had done and it made me think how much I don't want to fail her... and needless to say, that song will always remind me of my girlfriend now).

After the concert, we had a nice romantic bath where she played some nice romantic songs on her laptop. After the bath, she had a bit of a crying spell because she was reminded of last year where she loved me a lot but I thought she hated me. Long story for a different time...

Anyway, after that we had some slow, loving, passionate, and meaningful sex. It was funny, not the sex, but the few minutes before it because Octavia took a Lunesta and got all silly. Then we slept a good sleep, woke up and went to breakfeast.

We went downtown to a bunch of shops. We were sad to leave the hotel. It was a nice hotel and we should go back there sometime. Maybe when we are twenty-one so we can make use of the uber-romantic cocktail lounge. That would be nice.

Then we went to the mall where the asian food for the second day in a row made Octavia sick. I felt bad. I couldn't do anything about it, though, so we just went to her house where she did finally feel better and we had some more sex and cuddled and went on a nice walk where she made a flower wreathe from flowers she picked during the walk. (I hung the wreathe in my room. It is pretty.) After that, we said some tearfilled goodbyes and I came home.

I miss her a lot. I love being with her. She is nice. I am going to end this entry now because it's long.

PS: I also liked the song Closer because Octavia and I grinded during it. Also, I liked it when Octavia sat close to me in the front of my car in her underwear and bra on the way down to Portland. Thinking about that gets me all hot and bothered.

Ignore the spelling mistakes and the lack of organization. I've wasted too much of my time on dealing with this nonsense.


Oh, please... you failed to accept anything I stated and combated what I said with complete trash. Do you want to know why I oringally didn't want to date Jen? You probably don't know, beecause I did not tell you. Well, you should no so you can stop making yourself look like a fool by throwring around your ridiclous assumptions. I was involved in an open relatoinship with someone else at the time. See, I can be sneaky too... just like you, shifting through her AIM conversations, too scared to actually ask her about such situations. You were too afraid to question the integrity of your relationship because you were too conditioned by circumstances completely within your own hands. You submitted to everything she asked. It became expected, regular behavior for you. So when you did actually attempt to say something, it's not surprise that Jen would quesetion your bizarre interjections of assertiveness since they were apparently few and far between. Why didn't you do something about it? You could have stood up to her, but you just folded to her. Sure, to an extent she asked you to do everything for her, but what is she supposed to expect when her dog that is trained to come to her at every becckon desides not to come to its master. You let her control you. If this sounds repetitive, that's the point. You seemed to miss how you were not your own person throughout your entire relationship, which, negates every time you were together, since she was basically dating an extention of herself. Now, once again, that is your fault. You let everything happen that way, so don't take anything out on Jen. The only way you'd have an excuse to attack and insult Jen would be if she responded negatively to frequent attempts to assert yourself. But that senario never once happened, not in the course of your two and a half years of dating.

As for her being self-centered, that is not true. She merely knows what she wants out of life, and accepts it when people such as you automatically bow down and kiss her feet. It's ridiculous how you treated her. You never once acted on a kind gesture. While it might be kind in theory to buy her a few skirts, your pratice was that of a robot with no thought or feeling. There was no emotion into the gifts you bought her, just trained reactions. "Yes, I would still be acting the same with her if we were still together, because we'd still be together and things wouldn't have changed. Sometimes it takes seeing things from a new angle to realize what's going on. Keep that in mind." And do you know how you look at things from different perspectives? You use your fucking brain. Did you once use that during your relationship? No, except when you played Nancy Drew and snuck around her, reading her instant messenger conversations and ciculating rape rumors. And dno't try to blame that on Jen. You and I know she's not sneaky enough to pull something like that... The sneaky one is you. Sure, she was not faithful, but that should tell you something. SHE DIDN'T LIKE YOU ENOUGH TO STAY WITH YOU! Why? I don't know. Maybe you weren't sexually attractive to her. I can easily see that being a possiblity. Maybe she was tired of dating an extention of herself, too scared to adopt his own sense of self. However, I didn't think I need to dicuss this aspect of your relatoinship since any mentally retarded child could see the obvious flaws there. That is why I focused on your image and how you handled things, sense both resonate with an unfathomble lack of control. So don't call me shallow and don't deny that I am the harbinger of knoweldge. Also, don't say I treat Jen like shit. I treat her like a person, like my equal because she is. We are both humans and we have a relatoinship shared between two humans, unlike yours, which was between a master and a dog. Don't deny it, and don't say otherwise. You let that happen. And you want me to stop throwing around the dredded p-word? What one? Poseur? You don't like that? Do you fear that truth? It actureately describes you. You even said that you didn't want to dress Gothic when you were with Jen. Why not? What were you afraid of? People seeing that you really were an extention of yourself and that you possessed no sense of self identity? Well, face it. Everyone knew that you were not your own person. Never. You might have well dressed into Jen's exactly clothing, since that's her personality is the only one you radiated. Pathetic. There's another p-word for you. Pitiful. How's that one? So now you are dressing Gothic just to prove to Jen that you have your own identiy? Is that what you said? That is completely stupid. You are doing it to prove to people that you have your own idenity. Well, I must admit, Gothic is a subculture with lots of people who dress in black. There is not self experssion, no idenity in that. By not realizing that, by dressing in all black so people notice you, is completely stupid. You don't even know the first thing about the Gothic subculture, and if you had, you certainly would not have looked to it for self expression. You are nothing but a pawn (there's another p-word) and you will be a slave to anyone else beacuse you lack the confidence to stand up to people, except trash people incorrectly in your live journal. I don't want to have to respond to another one of your idiotic posts. These things take too much time. Just stop bashing Jen in your live journal and things will be fine. You fucked up and handled everything badly. Every last thing. Did you not learn a damn bit of information? I guess not. Just learn this one important fact right here: stop taking out your anger on Jen and on me. The only person you have to blame for your faults, the only person you have to blame for your downfall, the only person you have to blame for your failed relationship and your future of failed relationships if you don't stop trying to be Gothic, is yourself. Oh, and genetics. They weren't too kind to you.

Once again, I have a Live Journal. I most likely will not be using this much. I tend to do most of my blogging on MySpace. Hence why I am not going to put much effort into the appearance of my journal. This is as fancy as it's going to get.